by John Browne, on Apr 1, 2017 6:00:00 AM
Our skunkworks team has been working overtime on a new product that I think is a real game changer.
Before I tell you about it, let me set the stage.
We talk to people every day who have really old code that is crying out to be modernized. The problem is that it works ok. Sure, the UX is about as contemporary as a Ford Pinto, it's still talking to an Access database, it's shot full of security vulnerability holes, but: It. Still. Works.
And management--Lord love 'em--refuses to pony up the bucks to modernize something that is still working.
If the app were a factory, management would be looking at puddles on the floor from the leaky roof, busted out windows, rusting machinery, duct tape and bailing wire holding stuff together. And those flickering fluorescent lights like you always see in horror movies.
But it's code, so they don't see any of that.
Recognizing the challenge of this, today we're super excited to announce our latest addition to the Mobilize family of products: the Visual Basic Downgrade Companion (code name "Crapifier").
The Crapifier quickly and efficiently gets your source code into a state such that management will leap at the chance to modernize. Using advanced artificial intelligence theories and machine learning algorithms, it emulates the work of up to 15 unpaid interns hacking code they have no business working on. A single pass of the Crapifier can transform up to 1M lines of VB6 or .NET code into meaningless garbage guaranteed to reduce your user base to catatonic fits of depression. Some of the "improvements" it makes to VB6 code include:
- Randomizes comments
- Replaces subroutine calls with GOTO line number
- Replaces variable names with names of current contestants on Dancing with the Stars
- Reboots computer on any error condition
- Shows pictures of cats from Imgur on any exception thrown
- Randomizes tab order on all form fields
- Sets the both window background and foreground colors to puce.
To learn more, watch a short video here with a link to the download.
